Watercolor by Alice Steer Wilson
One in five Americans will serve as an unpaid caregiver, or care partner, for a loved one this year. What’s more, many, like me, will do so for multiple loved ones over time. Therefore this message, and these flowers, are for you. To break my silence of four years, I return to this blog with a grateful heart.
Let’s consider the impact on our country: 53 million Americans will engage their hearts and backs to provide uncompensated healthcare this year. A report published in 2017 by AARP set the value at $470 billion. Although that number is shocking, it has undoubtedly gone up.
Who Cares for the Caregiver?
Despite these staggering figures, government and industry fail to support caregivers or soften the impact on their lives. These busy and often overwhelmed Americans have been easy, it seems, to overlook. However, we cannot afford to take them for granted any longer. That’s why the speakers at a conference organized by Artz Philadelphia and Global Women For Wellbeing challenged caregivers and care partners to make our voices heard. As a result, I promised to restart my blog.
One of the ways I provide care is to make dinner. I had been chopping onions and listening to Afternoon Drive on WHYY when Cherri Gregg spoke of a “Caregiver / Care Partner” webinar. I dropped my knife, picked up my phone, and registered.
The speakers offered inspiration, instruction, and hope. They urged us to engage our heads, hearts, and hands to turn this ship around. I felt renewed and connected to a community that expands well beyond my personal story. My blog of years earlier came to mind, and I renewed my commitment to steering the Kind Ship.
Gratitude Multiplies the Gift
The watercolor above came back into my life as a caregiver blessing. In the 1990s, my mother donated it to a fundraiser for Perkins Center for the Arts. Since she was too sick to attend, I went in her place and watched a bidder win the painting for a fraction of its value. Although I felt sad, it was my mother’s choice. I respected her wishes to make the contribution and let it go.
Recently, when the painting’s owner developed dementia, her caregiver contacted me to ask if I would like to buy it back. I was thrilled. Yes, I said, I would love to have that painting! And so, today, I share it with gratitude. The original watercolor hangs by my bed and greets me every morning. Last year I published it as a notecard so anyone can use it to thank another. I feel acknowledged, loved, and respected for the care I gave my mother, and I long for all caregivers to feel the same.
May everyone who reads this blog feel recognized and appreciated for the care they give. And if you know a caregiver, please find a way to show them you see and appreciate their work. You might even offer to help or give them a day off.
Let us be kind to ourselves and each other.
Blessings,
Notes:
Janice, I am so grateful to see your blog today as it was just the inspiration I needed. Thank you for your thoughtful words. I join you in the quest to make caregiving “seen”, honored for its contribution to a compassionate society and hopefully someday, compensated in ways that are most meaningful to those whose hands provide the care.
JoAnne,
Thanks for your partnership. You came into my life as I was saying farewell to my mother, and your compassion has always inspired me.
It’s surprising just how many people are caregivers for their elderly parents. I volunteered at a school and one day, while speaking about my moms declining health. 2 other teachers spoke up about caring for their parents. We formed an unofficial support group where we could share, vent , complain and laugh about our experience. It helped my mental health to share and to listen.
Cathy,
That’s a wonderful story, thanks for sharing. I love that you found each other and immediately recognized the importance of mutual support. Beautiful!
What a wonderful message to discover in my inbox, a much needed ray of light. 💛
Nice to connect with you, Meg. The talisman you gave me when we first met at Vermont College in 2007 still sits on my desk :-).
Janice,
You have been a kind, attentive and loving caregiver to both of your parents, your uncle, and now your mother-in-law. The qualities you brought to these endeavors are remarkable and so very much in need in today’s world: patience, compassion and understanding. I recognize and applaud all you have done for the many people who have benefited from your largesse. You are a great friend and a special soul.
Always,
Patti
Patti,
Thank you so much for your kind words. You have been my friend through all of these decisions, and your counsel has helped me stay aware of my boundaries through the compelling pull of my loved one’s needs. There is no “one-size-fits-all” solution to caregiving. We all face mortality at unexpected times. It’s a friendship like ours that gets us through the difficult times and helps us remain present and joyful regardless. I treasure your light and love — when I first met you, I had never known anyone our age who had what I considered a loving, supportive marriage, and you showed me the way. Praise, affection, gratitude, and joy are infectious. Thank you. xoxo
LOVE your mom’s, Painting With Lillies, what a blessing to have it back, I believe in miracles, so I’m going with that.
Its has been almost three years since I moved, it has been a challenge and the challenge continues.
I don’t know how you manage to do it all, you’re such and inspiration, to all of us.
Thank you for sharing and all you do.
Joan,
Thanks for your sweet note, and I’m so glad to be able to share this beautiful painting. Sorry to hear that your move continues to challenge you; it takes a while! I’m lucky to have Paul to help make a house a home, but the downsizing presents issues. Where I once had a yoga room, a sewing room, an office, and a studio, I now have one room for all of those activities. I’m glad to have that room! I depend upon yoga, writing, walking, and meditation to stay centered and grounded as much as possible. Since I’ve been teaching yoga for 22 years, I couldn’t let the pandemic take that away, so I’ve been teaching online. It’s a blessing to connect that way, too. Sending hugs xoxo